Inconceivable

Infertility - it's that "taboo" thing that people don't talk about. Instead it's whispered about, discussed in the media negatively when a woman has 8 babies or worse, not even discussed. EXCEPT infertility (IF) affects more people in this country than breast cancer. No, I'm not comparing infertility to having cancer, I wanted to show the stats, cuz we know the stats for women developing breast cancer.

I suffered through infertility - unexplained infertility. D is my 4th pg, but my only child and multiple dr's could not tell us why we couldn't get pg or why I couldn't maintain a pg. It's a hard, painful and emotional road to walk. It involves many dr. appts, shots, tests, being poked and prodded in so many ways and having the ups and downs of negative and positive pg results.  The yearning to have a baby is strong - especially when you suddenly realize that you can't!  The loss of control within your own body all the while having dr's and nurses telling you exactly what's going to happen takes its toll. 

If you haven't experienced IF please try to put yourself into this thinking mode. You're sooo excited to start trying for a baby. Every month you think "this is it" and then your period starts and you're sad.  You read everything on the internet regarding how to get pg...what foods to avoid, supplements to take, charting your cycle...etc.  Now, experience all of that month after month for perhaps years. Then you see multiple dr's, try different drugs that make you feel like you're going crazy, only to have the same things happen.

Luckily soon after I started the journey of trying for a baby I found a web board completely devoted to infertility. The women who belong to this VERY LARGE webboard have been through it all and are a great resource for everyday things.   There there is a core group of about 20,  it's been 11 years and we're still going strong. I have 'met' some wonderful people - some even in real life and I consider all of them friends. I'm here today to talk about one of my friends stories. Well, to promote her story and it is even more painful than anyone could imagine.

My friend C and her husband decided to use their frozen embryo's to have another baby. Their fresh cycle years before had been successful, so there was no reason that she shouldn't get pg with the embies they had saved. C went through all of the tests, drugs and procedures to ready her body for the transfer of these embryo's.  The embryo's had survived the "thaw" and 2 were transferred into C's uterus.   The 2 week wait began and ended up with a BIG FAT POSITIVE!!!  YIPPPEEEEEE!   She was thrilled.....until.

She and her husband, S, were told some devistating news, the baby that she was carrying was not hers.  The fertility clinic had thawed the wrong embryo's and transferred them to her.....and now she was pg with a baby that was not theirs.  Not only did the clinic thaw the wrong embies for her procedure, but the embryo's that C had frozen had been thawed and used in a failed cycle for another couple.   WHOOPS - I apparently had my info incorrect.   C's embies were not thawed by accident, but rather used by she and her hubby in a surrogate in which the surrogate did not conceive.  C and S made the ultimate sacrifice, they decided to proceed with the pg and deliver the baby only to turn around and give the baby to the couple which the embies belonged.  To terminate the pg means another couple has no chance to try for another baby, and C has NO chance to try for another cycle because her embryo's were already gone.  C and S not only had to suffer the loss of their embryo's, but then to make a difficult decision.

C gave birth to a health full term baby boy just over a year ago.  He is thriving in with his family, but that does not erase the pain that C and her family are experiencing every day.  Her pain cannot even be compared to a woman who decides that adoption is the best course for her baby because, I'm sure, that that woman has not experienced years of IF treatments and the deep yearning of having a baby. 

C and S's story will be profiled tonight (Friday, Feb 11) on Dateline NBC.  C and S have also written a book which will be coming out on Monday.  I know that I have cried many tears reading C's posts on our board, so I know I will be watching.  C is a dear friend who has experienced a loss that I could never imagine. 

Here is the youtube footage for tonight's Dateline.  I hope people watch and learn what true strength really is. 
http://www.youtube.com/user/carolynandseansavage?feature=mhum

Their book Inconceivable - A Medical Mistake, the Baby We Couldn't Keep, and Our Decision to Deliver the Ultimate Gift  goes on sale Monday.