**WARNING** not for children who can read

THE MOST FUNCTIONAL ENGLISH WORD...

HOPE THIS MAKES YOU SMILE

Well, it's shit ... that's right, shit!
Shit may just be the most functional word in the English language.

You can smoke shit, buy shit, sell shit, lose shit, find shit, forget shit, and tell others to eat shit.

Some people know their shit, while others can't tell the difference between shit and shineola.

There are lucky shits, dumb shits, and crazy shits. There is bull shit, horse shit, and chicken shit.

You can throw shit, sling shit, catch shit, shoot the shit, or duck when the shit hits the fan.

You can give a shit or serve shit on a shingle.

You can find yourself in deep shit or be happier than a pig in shit.

Some days are colder than shit, some days are hotter than shit, and some days are just plain shitty.

Some music sounds like shit, things can look like shit, and there are times when you feel like shit.

You can have too much shit, not enough shit, the right shit, the wrong shit or a lot of weird shit.

You can carry shit, have a mountain of shit, or find yourself up shit creek without a paddle.

Sometimes everything you touch turns to shit and other times you fall in a bucket of shit and come out smelling like a rose.

When you stop to consider all the facts, it's the basic building block of the English language.

And remember, once you know your shit, you don't need to know anything else!!

You could pass this along, if you give a shit; or not do so if you don't give a shit!

Well, Shit, it's time for me to go.

Just wanted you to know that I do give a shit and hope you had a nice day, without a bunch of shit. But, if you happened to catch a load of shit from some shit-head...........

Well, Shit Happens!!!

Cakes

As many of you know, I bake cakes for other people. I make myself crazy while trying to complete them, but the reward of seeing them complete is AWESOME!!!

Here are a couple that I completed in the last few days. And some from the past.

Maybe I say it too often

D has a new saying: That's OK. It happens. AND, the funniest part is that he knows how and when to use the phrase properly. Apparently, I use this phrase often.

Something else that has also "sunk in" is potty training. I was on the computer this morning and I heard D playing with his dino's in the TV room. Here is what I heard:

"No going pee pee in your pants"
"Makes mommy and daddy mad, and me too"
"You go pee pee in the potty"
"Is pee pee coming? You tell me when it coming"
"That's OK. It happens"

During this monologue I peeked my head around the corner to see what/who he was talking to. He was potty training his dinosaurs!! Yep, he had them lined up in front of him and telling them about going potty.

Apparently, potty training is now ingrained into my poor child's head.

MIA - Search Party on Standby

I'm headed to the DMV today....well, not the DMV proper, but I have to get the car emissions done and get new plate tags today. AND, I have to take D with me. I may go insane.

IF you do not hear from me, send a search party. I'll need food, water, and rescuing if not heard from in days.


****UPDATE****

I survived and, surprisingly, was in and out of BOTH places in less than 1/2 hour!! Pulled up to the emission testing and got right in. That took about 10 min total. Then went next door to the DMV and there was NO line for renewing plates!! YES!! It was my lucky day.

It's the new spa treatment?

Last week as I mentioned in a previous blog, I was not feeling well at all. I was achy, headache and tired. I decided on Wednesday to go and take a hot bath. I stuck in a movie for D and proceeded to fill the tub....with bubbles too.

I got into the bath with my book and started reading when I was visited by D (it may have been 32.5 seconds of alone time). He wanted to help wash Mommy. I gave him the washcloth and he washed my shoulder, arm and knee - the 3 body parts sticking out of the water at the time. Once he got bored, he left the bathroom (YES, alone time) only to return a minute later sans pants, underwear and socks (DAMN!). He can't quite figure out how to remove his shirts yet. He wants to get into the tub with Mommy. After much protesting, on my part, I took off his shirt and he climbed in.

We played for about 5-10 min and then I had had enough. I got out. So much for my relaxing bath. I was in and out of the bathroom for the next few minutes while getting dressed and finally D stated that he was all done and wanted out. I got him out of the tub and dried him off, these day's he prefers to go naked, so I asked him if he had to go potty.

"no. No pee pee coming" he said
"Oh, it's been a long time since you've gone, why don't you try" I say
"No, mommy" he whines as he's looking into the bathtub "I already went pee pee." "Pee pee in the bathtub with Mommy."

Yes folks, he pee'd in the tub while Mommy was still in it. I remind you, I'm FULLY dressed and still feel like crud when he informs me of this. The last thing I want to do is go and take a shower - I'm too tired. So I chalked up the pee pee to being a new type of spa treatment that's good for my skin. Plus, really, the 2-3Tbsp of pee mixed in with ALL of that water really isn't that bad. Just gross to think about.

Heeeeeere's Martha!!

Martha Stewart that is. I'm thinking about changing my name after my evening last night. I made (SUCCESSFULLY) homemade raspberry preserves. Jarred and everything!! AND it tastes fantastic!

One of my MOMS Club friends sent out an email a while ago about purchasing berries in bulk. The local Rotary club was offering fresh picked raspberries, strawberries or marionberries for CHEAP! I bought 5lbs of raspberries for $11.

So the other day, I bought jars, researched recipes and canning methods. Last night I took out my big pot and got to work. WOW! It was easy. M and I had to switch off stirring the pot cuz it requires constant stirring until the berries boil. Well, if I wanted any arm hair I needed someone to take over.

Here is the result of my labor. I'm very excited that all the jars are sealed properly too!


OH! I had some on toast this morning for breakfast.....YUMMY YUMMY! Step aside Martha, I'm getting my canning on!

I'm SOOO pretty!! (warning about pictures)

The illness that D had last week has transferred to ME!! YIPPPEEE!!! Now, instead of being the supermodel mommy, I've been reduced to this:



Yes, that is a raging case of pink eye! Hurting, burning, watering pink eye!! YUCK! This is the worst case I've had so far. So, I went off to the Dr. this morning cuz the medication that I have from previous bouts is not working. SO, a stronger prescription was ordered.

Fun fun!! I'm off to put some warm compresses on my eye.