My best friend S emailed me today all sad and glum. Her brother died in September and this weekend she went up to visit her nephews (ages 10, 8) for a birthday. She was distraught to see that the house has very little remaining of her brother. Apparently her brother collected giraffes and most of them have been packed away. All of her brothers clothes have been packed away. There are still photo's of him in the house, but his wife no longer wears her wedding ring. And, apparently the wife has a boyfriend. It made S sad to think that this is happening. She feels that it's too soon.
It got me thinking and talking about this to other people. Never being in that situation, I have no idea what I'd be like or do if M died. Would I stay in this house? Would I stay in Washington or move back home? It's hard to say. M also didn't have a clue what he'd do. We both agree that it may be too soon to date - 4 months. We aren't sure about the other things. When is the appropriate time to remove clothing? When is the appropriate time to remove reminders of something that you can never have again? I don't think there is the "right" answer. There is only what you have in your heart, sole and mind. I would hope that whatever decision is made, I'm not judged on it too harshly.
That's such a hard thing to deal with no matter what situation you're in. You didn't say how the spouse passed away (accident, illness). If it was an illness, then it's possible that some of the decisions about belongings were made prior to his passing. But, I agree that 4 months is a little too soon to be moving on.
ReplyDeleteHi Tina: Being a widow myself, now of almost four years, it is true what you said, basically the grief process is all individual. For myself, I felt the need to move my husband's clothes from the room, at about 3 months. It was just an un-understood urge. I gave my boys what they wanted to keep as momentoes, donated the rest, and kept some clothes that I knew the boys would use at some point. Ultimately, it is each person's own decision in the grief process.
ReplyDeleteSome of us move too fast in other areas, trying to dull the pain and move on with life. For myself, I began dating too early, a year, and for me this was due entirely to my loneliness, which was excruciating. It took me almost 3 years to deal with the loneliness aspect of my husband's death. So, as upsetting as it is for your friend, I would be worried about the woman who is trying to pick up her life after only 4 months. Elaine http://www.ajourneywelltaken.com